Last Summer: Verse 1

I've been putting together this next mixtape (Invincible Tomorrow), and I wrote a song entitled "Last Summer", which tackles the idea of fading love, loss of chemistry, and the hurt associated with both. It's a very near and dear song to me, written from the heart, written from experience, and tonight made me decide to throw up just the first verse from the song along with a line from the chorus that hits home with me. I'm going to write a poem along with the song to accompany it, kind of like an epilogue for the song. I hope you enjoy. The mixtape is in the working stages.

Last Summer: Verse 1

When I left I told her I had the mind of an elephant...like, I'll never forget her

And I'll be back in the nearest December

Things'll be like old times, before I left back in August

You'll always have my heart regardless...

She told me "Saz, you gon' change on me"

I told her "never, I'll always be the same only...

if you keep in touch with me

still fuck with me

and I promise we gon' re-up

and heat up...

the world"

you're the girl of my dreams

but they say you forget your dreams 5 seconds after waking up.

So was this past summer

just a long slumber?

Am I doomed to forget what we had in the past

no looking back?

or can I defy the stencil

you're essential for me to keep keeping

I'ma weakling

Without the memories of our lustful evenings

Believe me, I ain't sure if it's without a choice

Could this...inevitability be up for debate

I'm such a mistake

You fuckin' with a guy with a fickle mind.

Well, not fickle...

maybe secular

A man of the world

My memory lapse is gon' damage this girl.

~"I'll never forget the last summer, that was the summer for us..."~

Unreleased Saz.E Material

http://hulkshare.com/n7r4biiem3x7 - "Instant Replay"

http://hulkshare.com/bq8duf7f7je5 - "Popular Demand" 16 Bars

http://hulkshare.com/5fzy4ov9f6n8 - "My Way Home"

http://hulkshare.com/1vaqsmpiua9i - "Mo Money, Mo Murder"

http://hulkshare.com/2xp3cp33p867 - "Inkredible"

"Re-locating Will Allow Me a Fresh Slate"

Sometimes I actually reflect on my own lyrics. I think back to the moments when I wrote them and what I was feeling while writing. It's always interesting when new events happen that bring new light to lyrics I wrote months ago, making them relevant again, possibly even more relevant than ever before. "I would like to apologize...do every female I ever hurt/I didn't mean to be a jerk/and some say I need church" - Letter of Intent. These lyrics stand out to me now. [Sidebar-her last words to me were "I shouldn't have texted you lately, I played myself, please don't text me"] When questions about my treatment of the women in my life come up and questions about my spirituality arise, the above stated lines play across my mind like messages on sports blimps.

I came up with a theory the other day, a philosophy [Sidebar-I'll be majoring in the course this fall]. In an attempt to define what a "bad guy" is, or villain, jerk, etc. First, we must disregard the obvious, I.E. legal, societal precedents, those are always in play, but everything other than that is gray area. And this is where things get interesting:

"A man will be considered a "bad" or "villainous" or a "whatever-adjective-meaning-bad-person" person when what he does does not fall in line with the accuser's own personal interest and motives."

One can compare this to something along the lines of "one man's trash is another man's treasure".

The problem is that people must learn to remove themselves from the situation and look at it from almost a third party perspective, and see things for how concrete they are as well as from the other person's view point. It is only then that a rational decision and state of mood can be created.

In a month's time I'll be long gone, forgotten by some, some will want to forget me, some will try to never forget me, but I will be out of sight. Distance will provide a "fresh slate" for me, and wash away what others will dub my "bad deeds" or "grimy actions". But distance will also provide time and mind for reflection, possibly thinking back and altering opinions.

"Always apologize for hurting someone's feelings, but only apologize for your actions if you mean it"

Regardless of what lifestyle you lead, and actions you make, you WILL anger someone. So we must all prepare ourselves for enemies, opponents, and angry persons. Its a part of life.

Lets make this hip-hop thing happen bee-tee-dub. =] But um...

..."I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name"
- from the song "Boston" by Augustana

Thank you, Mom. =]

It's Mother's Day. Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!


On this Mother's Day I would like to thank my mother...for ruining my relationships with any women that I will ever come into contact with in my natural life. It is because of you that I walk into any relationship with the opposite sex automatically not trusting them. I want to trust you, ladies, but that's easier said than done.
I also seldom take the words "I love you" seriously (Thanks to mommy dearest). How honest are you really being when you say that shit to me. Oh, and mom, it's because of you that I feel nice guys will always finish last, he who bends over backwards to make his woman happy is doomed to failure and desertion. Nice guys get taken advantage of and left. This forces us to act accordingly. Thank you, mom for teaching me this lesson.
I never shed tears for anyone, and I haven't in a long time. Thanks, mom for showing me that tears are worthless, they only expose your vulnerability. Back during those days when I cried for you to come back home and talk to me about whats going on and fucking be with your son...you didn't. You were able to listen on the other end of that phone line and listen to your youngest son cry and not respond how a real mother should.
Thank you, mom for ruining my family. Thank you, mom for aiding in the development of my now jaded, semi-cynical, and sometimes bitter, cold, and "heartless" personality. Thanks. You are truly a pillar of modern maternity....

Some Pics From The Photo Shoot With A-Photos

The Season Finale

I've always chose to think of my life as a sitcom. I find that it passes the days easier, and in a more entertaining manner. If one looks at the basic framework of a sitcom, you of course have characters, they are essential. Now...if one follows television, you'll notice sometimes characters don't return for the next season. Whether or not they're killed off, or they just so happen to move to Seattle or something like that, they are no longer part of that main characters life or the show period. They'll get their own spin off somewhere. Lol. But since I look at my life in this manner, I have to understand that some characters feel the need to leave my show. They have bigger and better things they want to pursue. Perhaps they want to move to films, or a more promising network. Who am I, as the creator, director, and producer as well, to stop them from doing what they feel is "better"? Not my place at all.

You can lay the facts out on the table, clearly in the contract, but if they don't want to sign for season 5 then you have to respect their decisions. Will it hurt the show's ratings? Only time will tell. Will the other cast and crew members recover well? Only time will tell. As the show's creator, I can only wish them and myself good luck and good night.

I cannot see the future. Sometimes shows have reunion specials...

Self-Made Microscope (Imperfections) - Saz.E

New Shit from Saz.E!! The track discusses insecurities and self-consciousness. Check it out. Recorded it at Phenom's stu'. Good shit, but yea, comment this post with your opinions. Feel free to download.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/7200637799d046d4/